It may be Simple, but it ain’t Easy
A really good friend and I were having one of our ‘no small talk’ chats; jumping right into the depths of a range of matters, catching up again after many months of being immersed in our respective worlds.
As she is also in the midst of deepening her understanding of what it means to genuinely be a Love-led leader, we started to discuss specific scenarios.
She shared one which she is presently navigating – uncomfortable as it might be, someone on a team she manages is inept at their job.
There’s not a lot of complexity to this job. There is one single task and one binary measure of success (and so there aren’t opportunities to leverage their strengths to other outcomes related to the role). And, the individual in question is really nice. And so for many months – what happens is as this person leaves for the day, my friend goes over and re-does the work herself.
As she narrated this situation, she shared a concluding thought – ‘It’s pretty frustrating, but it doesn’t feel very loving to let them go”.
Some of the most common and insidious misconceptions about this thing called Love, include that it is a sentiment, and one solely denoted by warmth and fuzziness. That it always is earmarked by a good feeling. That it’s the ‘easy’ or ‘frivolous’ or ‘soft’ thing – and the inherent deduction, is that it has little to no place in business or organizational conversations as it is too stark a contrast from hard, important physical or intellectual work.
It’s one of several reasons why this notion of Love as a KPI may seem so striking.
I can understand why this perception exists. Yet, at the same time, the math objectively doesn’t math; because something that requires us to esteem every person and prioritize the needs of others as an ongoing posture, fights our inherent nature to focus inwardly. So it can’t be easy, at least to start.
Part of the mission of this work on 'Love as a KPI', is to deepen the collective understanding of Love and channel light on its obvious role in business.
We are solving for a world where as we consider the strategic imperatives our organizations stake their bets on year after year, becoming greater conduits of Love to others through how we Lead, our Offerings, our Value proposition and our Engagement is one of the things we naturally prioritize.
While I do understand why it has a general perception as a good feeling of little to no consequence to sustainable strategic or operational performance, the version of Love that truly changes people who then go on to change business outcomes for the best can not be sentimental.
With ‘Love as a KPI’, we believe that when organizations are driven by Love for people (be it ‘customers’ or ‘employees’, ‘community members’ otherwise), they respond by staying longer, buying more and being advocates – exponentially driving the financial, operational and strategic success of the business.
Our definition is this: Love is the outcome of the perspective, posture and practice that prioritizes the true needs and betterment of another.
This may read as simple, but it’s not easy. Here I highlight three things:
- It's not an excuse for mediocrity
About eight or nine years ago at my uncle’s 70th birthday celebration his son was giving a speech and as he shared what his dad meant to him, he recalled a time in his youth when he did something that was unbecoming.
And then he repeated his dad’s words to him at that moment, to all of us in the audience:
“Son, I am disappointed, but you are not a disappointment.”
At the time of this speech, it had been about 20 years since the event occurred and those words were said, but they were clearly weighty enough to hold lasting value, to be mentioned in the presence of hundreds two decades later.
Recall, Love starts with our perspective – it sees the inherent worth of, and the best in, people and calls them up to become it. Instead of calling people out – where the outcome often is highlighting faults, I encourage calling people up – here, the intention that they begin (or continue) to think, behave and live at the altitude that they truly are. If this holds true in our ‘general’ lives, it must be true for our colleagues, our leaders, our teams, community members our customers.
The other point re: the reality that Love doesn’t encourage mediocrity, is that someone being Love doesn’t just ignite others to be better, they themselves also regard people enough to bring their best.
It’s the best ingredients you possibly can use for your packaged goods. It’s the best you can restore a shoe as a cobbler. It’s the best care you can provide as a nursing assistant. You esteem the person you are doing it for.
The outcome is excellence – but not as a way to ‘prove a point’ or to diminish others – it’s excellence motivated by respect and regard for people, loving them enough to bring your best for them.
Loving people is not a pass for poor performance or behavior; it is its antithesis. It also can’t be confused with ‘hustle’ or ‘dog eat dog’ culture. The difference is in the intention and how. It’s why is the difference.
- It's not always comfortable
My piano teacher is not only a great instructor of the instrument, she’s really gifted at imparting lessons germane to life in the process of teaching piano.
When (for example) the piece of sheet music she is teaching from repeats the same note patterns a few times, she cautions that if you don’t take the time, painstaking as it may be, to read each note (vs rely on memory), once that pattern changes it would be much more difficult to seamlessly move to the next note.
The brain clings to routine very quickly. It instinctively wants to avoid discomfort and so when something comes up that is unfamiliar, it is fairly natural to resist it.
But Love is often not the path of least resistance. More plainly put, Love is often the path of highest resistance.
This is part of the reason why Love isn’t this soft, warm and fuzzy thing that it’s rumored to be.
Actual Love requires a great deal of courage.
To provide honest feedback to someone who is trying their best yet struggling. To make a hard call that truly is for the holistic best interest of your customers but they may not favor. Being personally vulnerable with your team because you know it’s the only way to get through to them on a particular topic.
The natural tendency is often to avoid these things. But Love in action often requires us to stand in the middle of discomfort, for the benefit of others.
- It's More Than a Feeling
Yes, I may have just gone to play Boston’s 1976 hit as I start to write this section.
Like waking up at 4:30am to train for a race or denying yourself your favorite flavor of ice cream on a hot summer day when everyone around you is indulging, for health reasons – we inherently know that not everything that is good for us will necessarily feel good – but there’s a knowing we have that its for our good.
Feelings are an essential part of the human experience. They inform, they warn, they provide insight to what we are going through at any present moment and they give insight on what might follow.
Here, I mainly refer to the ethereal ‘warm and fuzzy’ feeling many associate with Love.
Feelings ALONE are not a functional foundation for anything lasting. Because they change. And that change can be influenced by so many things outside of our control. In the same way it may not feel great to train for a race before the sun comes out,
if we expect Love to always feel a certain way, we may not recognize it.
My intention is not to draw a definitive line, because feelings also indicate when there’s harm being done. For example, something that results in the subjugation or degradation of other people can not be driven Love.
Still, its well worth noting, that in an era of instant gratification, if we are intent on chasing good feelings and we carry that posture e.g. to how we lead others, or we ‘run’ from hard feedback from customers, employees or our leaders etc. – that ‘chase’ also means we run from Love’s potential to transform our lives and our businesses.
Love is evident in the intention – it’s goal is not to destroy a person but to build them up. It reads as simple, but it is far from easy.
On a personal note: I have a great deal of gratitude and admiration for leaders who sit in the discomfort for the betterment of others (and have done so for my benefit) – there are many I’ve been privileged to learn from over the course of my career, and there are particularly many I work alongside today.
A really good friend and I were having one of our ‘no small talk’ chats; jumping right into the depths of a range of matters, catching up again after many months of being immersed in our respective worlds.
As she is also in the midst of deepening her understanding of what it means to genuinely be a Love-led leader, we started to discuss specific scenarios.
She shared one which she is presently navigating – uncomfortable as it might be, someone on a team she manages is inept at their job.
There’s not a lot of complexity to this job. There is one single task and one binary measure of success (and so there aren’t opportunities to leverage their strengths to other outcomes related to the role). And, the individual in question is really nice. And so for many months – what happens is as this person leaves for the day, my friend goes over and re-does the work herself.
As she narrated this situation, she shared a concluding thought – ‘It’s pretty frustrating, but it doesn’t feel very loving to let them go”.
Some of the most common and insidious misconceptions about this thing called Love, include that it is a sentiment, and one solely denoted by warmth and fuzziness. That it always is earmarked by a good feeling. That it’s the ‘easy’ or ‘frivolous’ or ‘soft’ thing – and the inherent deduction, is that it has little to no place in business or organizational conversations as it is too stark a contrast from hard, important physical or intellectual work.
It’s one of several reasons why this notion of Love as a KPI may seem so striking.
I can understand why this perception exists. Yet, at the same time, the math objectively doesn’t math; because something that requires us to esteem every person and prioritize the needs of others as an ongoing posture, fights our inherent nature to focus inwardly. So it can’t be easy, at least to start.
Part of the mission of this work on 'Love as a KPI', is to deepen the collective understanding of Love and channel light on its obvious role in business.
We are solving for a world where as we consider the strategic imperatives our organizations stake their bets on year after year, becoming greater conduits of Love to others through how we Lead, our Offerings, our Value proposition and our Engagement is one of the things we naturally prioritize.
While I do understand why it has a general perception as a good feeling of little to no consequence to sustainable strategic or operational performance, the version of Love that truly changes people who then go on to change business outcomes for the best can not be sentimental.
With ‘Love as a KPI’, we believe that when organizations are driven by Love for people (be it ‘customers’ or ‘employees’, ‘community members’ otherwise), they respond by staying longer, buying more and being advocates – exponentially driving the financial, operational and strategic success of the business.
Our definition is this: Love is the outcome of the perspective, posture and practice that prioritizes the true needs and betterment of another.
This may read as simple, but it’s not easy. Here I highlight three things:
- It's not an excuse for mediocrity
About eight or nine years ago at my uncle’s 70th birthday celebration his son was giving a speech and as he shared what his dad meant to him, he recalled a time in his youth when he did something that was unbecoming.
And then he repeated his dad’s words to him at that moment, to all of us in the audience:
“Son, I am disappointed, but you are not a disappointment.”
At the time of this speech, it had been about 20 years since the event occurred and those words were said, but they were clearly weighty enough to hold lasting value, to be mentioned in the presence of hundreds two decades later.
Recall, Love starts with our perspective – it sees the inherent worth of, and the best in, people and calls them up to become it. Instead of calling people out – where the outcome often is highlighting faults, I encourage calling people up – here, the intention that they begin (or continue) to think, behave and live at the altitude that they truly are. If this holds true in our ‘general’ lives, it must be true for our colleagues, our leaders, our teams, community members our customers.
The other point re: the reality that Love doesn’t encourage mediocrity, is that someone being Love doesn’t just ignite others to be better, they themselves also regard people enough to bring their best.
It’s the best ingredients you possibly can use for your packaged goods. It’s the best you can restore a shoe as a cobbler. It’s the best care you can provide as a nursing assistant. You esteem the person you are doing it for.
The outcome is excellence – but not as a way to ‘prove a point’ or to diminish others – it’s excellence motivated by respect and regard for people, loving them enough to bring your best for them.
Loving people is not a pass for poor performance or behavior; it is its antithesis. It also can’t be confused with ‘hustle’ or ‘dog eat dog’ culture. The difference is in the intention and how. It’s why is the difference.
- It's not always comfortable
My piano teacher is not only a great instructor of the instrument, she’s really gifted at imparting lessons germane to life in the process of teaching piano.
When (for example) the piece of sheet music she is teaching from repeats the same note patterns a few times, she cautions that if you don’t take the time, painstaking as it may be, to read each note (vs rely on memory), once that pattern changes it would be much more difficult to seamlessly move to the next note.
The brain clings to routine very quickly. It instinctively wants to avoid discomfort and so when something comes up that is unfamiliar, it is fairly natural to resist it.
But Love is often not the path of least resistance. More plainly put, Love is often the path of highest resistance.
This is part of the reason why Love isn’t this soft, warm and fuzzy thing that it’s rumored to be.
Actual Love requires a great deal of courage.
To provide honest feedback to someone who is trying their best yet struggling. To make a hard call that truly is for the holistic best interest of your customers but they may not favor. Being personally vulnerable with your team because you know it’s the only way to get through to them on a particular topic.
The natural tendency is often to avoid these things. But Love in action often requires us to stand in the middle of discomfort, for the benefit of others.
- It's More Than a Feeling
Yes, I may have just gone to play Boston’s 1976 hit as I start to write this section.
Like waking up at 4:30am to train for a race or denying yourself your favorite flavor of ice cream on a hot summer day when everyone around you is indulging, for health reasons – we inherently know that not everything that is good for us will necessarily feel good – but there’s a knowing we have that its for our good.
Feelings are an essential part of the human experience. They inform, they warn, they provide insight to what we are going through at any present moment and they give insight on what might follow.
Here, I mainly refer to the ethereal ‘warm and fuzzy’ feeling many associate with Love.
Feelings ALONE are not a functional foundation for anything lasting. Because they change. And that change can be influenced by so many things outside of our control. In the same way it may not feel great to train for a race before the sun comes out,
if we expect Love to always feel a certain way, we may not recognize it.
My intention is not to draw a definitive line, because feelings also indicate when there’s harm being done. For example, something that results in the subjugation or degradation of other people can not be driven Love.
Still, its well worth noting, that in an era of instant gratification, if we are intent on chasing good feelings and we carry that posture e.g. to how we lead others, or we ‘run’ from hard feedback from customers, employees or our leaders etc. – that ‘chase’ also means we run from Love’s potential to transform our lives and our businesses.
Love is evident in the intention – it’s goal is not to destroy a person but to build them up. It reads as simple, but it is far from easy.
On a personal note: I have a great deal of gratitude and admiration for leaders who sit in the discomfort for the betterment of others (and have done so for my benefit) – there are many I’ve been privileged to learn from over the course of my career, and there are particularly many I work alongside today.
